Step 1 - С чем ученик пришел на урок
The line graph demonstrate how many persntage was a Australia like exporter in Japane, US, Chine, India.
While some countries to export had a tendency to increase their sales, the others had the opposite pattern.
Noticebly percent of export to China and India were incresed to 25 and 3 respectively. From 1990 to 2005 was a slightly climed on 7%. from 3%, after that it has a jumped to querter of Australian exports. For the last two years was a growth on 3%, while India in this period dumped from 8% to 5% of export. However, this direction had expanded on 5% from 2000 to 2010, there has been no increase in export growth over the previous 10 years.
By contrast, export to Japane was declined smoothly on 10% for 22 years. The percentage of export to US changed often, at least decreasen on 6 one. In 1995, it was a drop from 11 to 8 persent, but in 2000 back to previous values. From 2000 to 2010 was dropped to 5%, after that has a little growth jjn 1%.
Step 2 - Оценка первоначальной работы ученика
Task Response: 5Strengths: Попытка охватить основные аспекты задания.
Areas for Improvement: Недостаточно полно описаны данные, много неточностей в цифрах и временах, неполное раскрытие тенденций.
Coherence and Cohesion: 5Strengths: Есть некоторые логические связи между предложениями.
Areas for Improvement: Структура плохо организована, абзацы не всегда логически связаны, отсутствует плавность переходов.
Lexical Resource: 4Strengths: Примеры с использованием некоторых специализированных слов.
Areas for Improvement: Много орфографических ошибок, неправильное использование слов и фраз.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4Strengths: Использование сложных предложений.
Areas for Improvement: Много грамматических ошибок, неправильное согласование времен и форм слов.
Step 3 - Улучшение графика от 5 до 7 баллов на уроке
The line graph demonstrates how much Australia exported in percentage to Japan, US, China and India from 1990 to 2012.
While exports to some countries had a tendency to increase, the others had the opposite pattern.
Noticeably, although the percentage of exports to China and India composed 3% each in 1990, their figures increased by 25 and 2 percent respectively for the whole period. From 1990 to 2005, after the exports to China tripled to 10%, they jumped to a quarter of the Australian exports. For the last two years, there was a growth of 3%, while India’s imports dropped from their peak of 7% to 5% in this period. However, the latter experienced no fluctuation in the imports from 1990 to 2000.
By contrast, though Japan was the biggest importer of Australian goods at the beginning of the period, constituting a massive 26%, its exports were declining smoothly throughout to become the second most popular importer with 16%. Meanwhile,the percentage of exports to the US was fluctuating, decreasing from 11% to 6%. While there was a drop to 8 percent in 1995, the figures went back to the previous values in 2000. From 2000 to 2010, there was a fall again to 5% before a little growth of 1%.
Step 4 - Оценка исправленной версии
Task Response: 7Strengths: Полностью охватывает все аспекты задания, корректное и точное описание данных.
Areas for Improvement: Могла бы быть немного более детализированной.
Coherence and Cohesion: 7Strengths: Логически организована, хорошие переходы между параграфами.
Areas for Improvement: Можно улучшить разнообразие связующих фраз.
Lexical Resource: 7Strengths: Широкий диапазон словарного запаса, использование правильных терминов.
Areas for Improvement: Некоторые слова могут быть использованы более точно, немного улучшить стиль.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6Strengths: Использование различных грамматических структур, в целом правильная грамматика.
Areas for Improvement: Некоторые грамматические ошибки и проблемы с пунктуацией.
Step 5 - Как мы это достигли
Грамматика и синтаксис:Оригинал: "The line graph demonstrate how many persntage was a Australia like exporter in Japane, US, Chine, India."
Исправлено: "The line graph demonstrates how much Australia exported in percentage to Japan, US, China and India from 1990 to 2012."
Комментарий: Улучшение согласования глаголов, устранение орфографических ошибок.
Четкость и точность описания:Оригинал: "While some countries to export had a tendency to increase their sales, the others had the opposite pattern."
Исправлено: "While exports to some countries had a tendency to increase, the others had the opposite pattern."
Комментарий: Четкое и точное описание тенденций без лишних слов.
Организация и структура:Оригинал: "Noticebly percent of export to China and India were incresed to 25 and 3 respectively."
Исправлено: "Noticeably, although the percentage of exports to China and India composed 3% each in 1990, their figures increased by 25 and 2 percent respectively for the whole period."
Комментарий: Логическая структура и плавные переходы между предложениями и параграфами.
Использование примеров и данных:
Оригинал: "From 1990 to 2005 was a slightly climed on 7%. from 3%, after that it has a jumped to querter of Australian exports."
Исправлено: "From 1990 to 2005, after the exports to China tripled to 10%, they jumped to a quarter of the Australian exports."
Комментарий: Корректное использование данных и примеров, улучшение логики и последовательности.
Step 6 - Работа над ошибками
1. the percentage of + noun – процент чего-то или кого-то
the percentage of people
2. … percent – какой именно процент (его количество)
21 percent
to 25% - до 25%
by 25% - на 25%
3. verb + adverb
slightly climbed
climbed slightly
slowly increase
increase slowly
4. comma after linkers before the subject
Noticeably, although the percentage of exports to China and India composed 3% each in 1990…
5. ‘after’ instead of ‘and’
Too simple
From 1990 to 2005, the exports to China tripled to 10% and jumped to a quarter of the Australian exports.
More advanced
From 1990 to 2005, after the exports to China tripled to 10%, they jumped to a quarter of the Australian exports.
6. After that
Incorrect
From 1990 to 2005, the exports to China tripled to 10%. After they jumped to a quarter of the Australian exports. – переводится как «после того, как они подпрыгнули до….»
Correct
From 1990 to 2005, the exports to China tripled to 10%. After that, they jumped to a quarter of the Australian exports.– переводится как «после этого, они подпрыгнули до….»
7. рост, падение на сколько-то
a growth of 5 percent / a fall of 5 percent
8. рост, падение чего-то
a growth in the exports / a fall in the exports
9. first 5 years in a row = in the first 5 years
10. вместо избитого “had” лучше использовать «experience» или «witness»
However, the latter experienced no fluctuation
11. fluctuation = erratic change
There were some fluctuations/erratic changes in the exports to the US throughout the period.
12. while – выражает контраст при этом соединяя 2 предложения
While there was a drop to 8 percent in 1995, the figures went back to the previous values in 2000.
13.
before вместо
after that, чтобы избежать повторений
From 2000 to 2010, there was a fall again to 5% before a little growth by 1%.
Не пропусти!
Подпишись, чтобы не пропустить полезные материалы и секреты успеха!
Нет комментариев